I Hate My Cat!

MrCandy

Banned

• May 19, 2010

• #1

She acts like she is hungry, so I get up from the computer
and go to the kitchen and open up a can of food for her.

When I get back to my bedroom, she has her paws on the
keyboard and is talking "smack" about me!

Damn you Kitty!

I push her off the chair, then she jumps up and my bed
and immediate begins planning how she can discredit me
again.

 

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R

Ramon70

• May 19, 2010

• #2

She just wanted to get her paws on the mouse!;D

 

~~whimsy~~

• May 19, 2010

• #3

Cute cat

 

R

Ramon70

• May 19, 2010

• #4

She just wanted to play with your mouse!

 

pornophile

Banned

• May 19, 2010

• #5

She is surfing Freeones no doubt...

 

O

Ozman

• May 19, 2010

• #6

The cat heard someone mention something about the computers mouse and was looking for it.

 

MrCandy

Banned

• May 20, 2010

• #7

Come out with your hands up!

Your cat notified us of the methamphetamine lab you have in your
basement!

Oh my God, my cat did it again!

When this is over, I am taking her back to the shelter!

 

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jod0565

Member, you member...

• May 20, 2010

• #8

^^
Is your real name Elian Gonzalez?
http://inplacenews.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/448a07d7cb24f_s.jpg

 

MrCandy

Banned

• May 20, 2010

• #9

Honey, just relax!

The cat is gone and everything is okay now!

What do you mean you mean "relax", you fucking bastard?

I don't have any more meth, and you took best friend away
from me!

I am leaving right now, and will never come back!

Goodbye!

 

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C

Cutie

• May 20, 2010

• #10

I like that cat, he sent me nude pics of everyone on FO.. :tongue:

 

MrCandy

Banned

• May 20, 2010

• #11

Honey, I know this is awkward, but I went to the shelter and
brought your cat home.

Could you lean down a little bit because I can't see your face.

I am sorry I had to use the "Florida Baker Act" to commit you, but
if you behave correctly, they will release you to my custody.

Have a nice day!

 

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MrCandy

Banned

• May 20, 2010

• #12

That is not my girlfriend you idiots!

That is Joan Rivers!

Where is the nearest pay phone? I am calling my attorney!

Calm down Mr Candy... This is your girlfriend!

We never make mistakes...

[The door opens]

I step inside, then the door closes shut and someone immediately
injects a syringe into my neck.

 

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ICanHasLogin

• May 20, 2010

• #13

 

B

BlueBalls

Dead

• May 20, 2010

• #14

I hate your face.

 

MrCandy

Banned

• May 20, 2010

• #15

I wake up in the morning and my best friends are around me.

The nurse hands me a disposable camera and tells me to take
a picture of them.

The flash goes off, then I am back in jungles of Viet Nam.

I put a clip into my M16, then look around to see my cat pull the
pin out of a hand grenade and throw it towards me.

I get one shot off, then everything goes blank...

 

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L

lurkingdirk

• May 20, 2010

• #16

This thread made no sense to me until I dropped some acid. Now it is brilliant!

 

MrCandy

Banned

• May 20, 2010

• #17

Don't worry folks!

I am okay!

I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate they love you
had for me while I was alive.

I did not live very long because I lived life to the fullest and it
got the best of me.

God Bless You!

John Candy

 

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tittenman

• May 20, 2010

• #18

the cat knows too much!

 

vodkazvictim

Why save the world, when you can rule it?

• May 21, 2010

• #19

I
Like
Your
Pussy

How come nobody has written that yet? Is it just so sub-par that I'm the only one who would sink so far?

 

Ace Bandage

The one and only.

• May 21, 2010

• #20

Seriously, if the OP was in front of me right now, I'd stab him in the throat. That's not a joke...